Church Clothes Gone Wrong
　
Have you ever walked into church on a typical Sunday morning and saw someone and thought, What the Hell? We’ve all experienced it , it must be something about getting yourself together to come to church that messes with your mind in finding clothes to wear to church. Trust me it’s a simple to battle it out when it comes to finding clothes to wear to church after all you’re not there that long to have to make such a huge impression.

I know you are waiting on it and I promised that I wouldn’t get you used to it but hey I can’t stop so here are the top 10 things not to do when it comes to church dressing.

1. Don’t eat so much on the weekend ! It is true that when Friday comes and you got a little something in your pocket , more than likely you will spend that in a restaurant . My remedy for that is , say no to food on the week end. Keep your diet balanced so that when Sunday comes your feet, ankles and stomach isn’t swollen with food!

2. Try on your clothes on Saturday night. I always, always plan to wear something different on Sunday , and I do it cheap too. $12 here $20 there and you have a complete outfit and looking cute! But I don’t come out unless I have tried it on and bent over ,fell down , turned around 3 times and karate chopped the wind! Just to make sure its not offensive to others.

3.Learn what looks good on you and what doesn’t ! I learned this rule when I was 4 years old . I will never forget I wanted a blue jean skirt so badly . My mother kept saying no Tesha you look better in dresses. So when I turned 4 she bought me a skirt that happened to sit right on my stomach. It was hideous and I knew it. My father was upset and at that moment I realize what my mother meant when she said I looked better in dresses. So having said that , if your waist is short like mine , stay away from clothes that will make you look like your belt is chocking you. If you are full figured stay away from the spandex and belts. Always try to compliment what you have or what you lack .

4. This is for the men, Shoes are not meant to be colored. If you buy a blue suit , your shoes shouldn’t match. I don’t believe that there is a blue alligator roaming in the rivers! So men stay away from the colored fa-gators! Also stay current with the style , if pointed toes are in buy those and stay away from what’s not current.

5. Have your clothes tailored. If your arms happen to be shorter than the jacket that fits your back, have those sleeves tailored. It cost pennies to have things tailored and when its fitted you always appear neater.

6. Take the tags off those suits! When you buy a suit and there is a tag on the sleeve, on the neck and on pant ,they are meant to be taken off! They are clearly put on there to find them easily in the store. Mr. Suit Man didn’t intend on you keeping the tags on!

7. Stop trying to be so matchy matchy! I’ve seen it and I know you have too, those people who insist on wearing , the yellow ear rings, necklaces , shoes, bracelet , and hat! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! No one wants to see all of that . I say leave the color jewelry to the babies and you invest in something like silver or gold and every girl needs at least one pair of diamonds! And please, take your hats off in church , no one can see around you!

8. Stop buying pleated pants! Lord Jesus on the main line! If I see another man with some pleated pants that are tight around their ankles with a cuff , I will spit! It is true they still make them and they are still in most department stores. I would suggest you not buying anymore from the store you got those from and try a specialty shop for men that will have all sorts of pants to fit you well.

9.Women stop pinning up your cleavage and leave your thongs and VPL (visible panty lines) at home. Okay so you don’t want anyone seeing the girls, but its so tacky to see a big pin holding down your girls! I think if it needs a pin you may not need the outfit. Buy things that fit closer to your neck because trust me the Pastor aint caring about your cleavage no way! And no one wants to sit and imagine what you have on under that skirts so please wear panties or bloomers to church you never know what may happen anyway. Thongs are appropriate when you are wearing a dress, if you are wearing a skirt or pants, the waist may be too high and show.

10. This is a big one too! NO MORE WHITE PANTYHOSE ! The worst thing to see is a lady with white stocking and black shoes. It may have worked in the 90’s ( I am a victim of this crime) but in the 21st century its too through! I would suggest no pantyhose’s if white is the only thing to wear. I also want to make a suggestion for ushers , why do they have to be in white , like nurses. Why can’t they wear black or blue and look like stewardesses . They are basically doing the same job!

There are tons of other things that I could have suggested but theses were my top offenses. I hope that you aren’t a victim of these crimes! See you at Peyton’s Pier!!!